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The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally , the guys' side of the story.We always hear "the rules "From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.These are "our rules !Please note.. these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.We need it up, you need it down.You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!Strong hints do not work!Obvious hints do not work!Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do somethingOr tell us how you want it done.Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as motorcycles, tools, and golf.
1. You have enough clothes
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Slinkies.

Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

Common Sense:

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles. When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen, anyway.
Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.

Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t botherin’ you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.”

Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

What is it with me....

It seems I cant leave anything alone. For instance, about 2 months ago, i bought a motorcycle. Yes, i know, what was i thinking? I actually paid money for a motorcycle? Well, its been a great two months and me and "Alice" have had a lot of fun. She recently developed a habit of smoking when She first starts up. Well, I says to myself, i can fix that. So, 45 minutes later, it goes from this:




to this:

So, in the meantime, I think to myself, this is a perfect opportunity to install my new 12 volt conversion kit, 12:1 high comp. piston, longer duration cam, and oversized carb. All this on the bike that was bone stock, and i was going to keep it that way because its such a high demand collectors item. (said tounge-in-cheek...) Well mom and dad, at least you know where i'll be when you get here....